so I don’t know what’s wrong and what’s right when someone you love dies, so I’m just gonna go with my gut.
My grandmother never really understood how wonderful she was. But I respect her for the life that she lead. She got married at 18 years old, had five kids, and went to school to become a registered nurse. Anyone who knew her would know how kind and generous she was. When she knew someone needed help, she would do whatever she could to make things better.
She had the loveliest eyes, which I'm told mine resemble, and the nicest laugh. I always loved making her laugh.
She's been around my whole life. She was at the hospital the day I was born. She always told me that she knew I was a girl even before I was born, and she was one of the first people to hold me.
I spent so much time at her house. We would bake cookies, and she would take me to the zoo, and I would spend several nights in a row there. I loved being there.
When my parents got divorced, we moved in with them. Things did change, as one might expect. But she became another parent, not just a grandparent to me. But I always knew that she still loved me to pieces, and that she genuinely viewed me as a wonderful, beautiful person. Even though I still don’t see that in myself, she always did.
She got sick when I was in the 5th grade. She was diagnosed with cancer, and I was always terrified. Terrified of living in a world without her. And for awhile, I just tried to ignore it, pretend it wasn’t there, and nothing was wrong.
But for the last year or so, things have gotten so much worse. She’s been losing her memory, and her body has slowly shut down. I hated that this was happening to her, this amazing woman who was so kind and good having to go through this. I still don’t think it’s fair.
She was in so much pain, completely incoherent, and couldn't move on her own, and it was so sad to see.
Last night she passed away, peacefully in her sleep.
I know that more than anything she wants me to be happy and make every day as good as I possibly can. I’m gonna try to do that for her. I will never forget the wonderful memories I have with her, and I will try to use all that she taught me to make myself and the world better, even in the smallest of ways.
It’s going to be okay. It has to be okay.
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